{"id":3892,"date":"2023-05-26T11:09:06","date_gmt":"2023-05-26T15:09:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/?p=3892"},"modified":"2023-05-26T11:09:06","modified_gmt":"2023-05-26T15:09:06","slug":"i-am-so-the-boss-of-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/?p=3892","title":{"rendered":"I Am So The Boss of You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Kathy Buckworth\u20142013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Introduction<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Come on, admit it. You know you do. But what if we were talking about the boardroom and not the kitchen? What if an employee didn\u2019t hand in a report or failed to complete a project on time? Would you do it for them? Doubtful. Would you put a note in their personal file? Likely<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A two-year-old should not be dictating her own bedtime any more than a marketing intern should be determining the \u201cbrand voice\u201d of a successful | and established product.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>And yet child-centric parenting models are all the rage, putting forth an idea that the child is equal to the parent. . That\u2019s the ideal? Are you kidding me? Be the boss. Embrace being the boss.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I recently met with an executive at a public relations firm who said one of her staff wanted a task removed from her job description because it \u201ctook too long to do, and it was boring.\u201d Really? First of all, shut up. Second, who raised this person? Oh wait, we did. We created this monster, and others like her, by making our children believe that they don\u2019t have to do anything they really don\u2019t want to do. Awesome. And now they\u2019re out in the workforce, and they\u2019ve traded in their overprotective mommies tor frustrated supervisors.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP ONE EMBRACE THE PHILOSOPHY &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>When my son Alex was five years old, he took part in a skating show. In the same show was a friend of his, a little guy with a knack for running his parents around in circles. Minutes before the kids were supposed to take their Teletubby-outfitted selves onto the ice to perform, this mom asked, ever so politely: \u201cJimmy, would you like to put on your mittens now?\u2019 Of course Jimmy said, \u201cNo.\u201d To which Mom replied, \u201cWell, you have to because the show is about to start.\u201d His reply? Wait for it\u2026: \u201cNo.\u201d You can imagine how this ended. She got angry, and he started crying. She said, \u201cIf you don\u2019t stop crying and put these mittens on, we\u2019re not going to McDonald\u2019s afterwards.\u201d He kept crying, didn\u2019t put the mittens on, and missed the show. And what did his mom and dad do? They took him to McDonald\u2019s.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This is Democratic Parenting at its very worst \u2013 a situation in which a child is given an inappropriate amount of power. Why on earth did this mother ask her son to do something he had no choice but to do? It\u2019s not like she was about to accept anything but yes.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP TWO KHOW THYSELF<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Let\u2019s say your mission statement is \u201cCleanliness at any cost.\u201d\u2019 Kids leaving half-empty milk glasses on the kitchen table? Unmade beds? Shoes in the front hall? A little reminder about what your mission is can work wonders. (It\u2019s important to focus on the mission statement here and not the fact that Mom might be a tad anal.) Other examples might include \u201cTuned to success\u201d (television watching is just fine with this family), \u201cProviding quality meals at affordable prices\u201d (better embrace that tuna casserole, kids), or \u201cKids are people too!\u201d (The type of people who have to vacuum, do laundry, and sweep every once in a while).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP THREE GET YOUP DUCKS IN A ROW<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>That your husband took the garbage out. Oh, he has to do it, but he doesn\u2019t have to announce it each and every time. But he does;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Enthusiastic employees take on the smallest of tasks. Not only do they do them exceedingly well, they often find better ways to complete the job, and they do it with a smile on their face. If an employee is constantly whining about his responsibilities, or unable to get his job done, he\u2019s in the wrong job. It\u2019s as simple as that.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP FOUR CONTROL THE CHAOS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>And then (and here\u2019s the really important part) stick to your decision. Kids can smell uncertainty a mile away. Give them an inch and you\u2019ll be giving them another twenty dollar\u2019s. It\u2019s important for children to know that you are listening to them, and that they have been heard, even if it doesn\u2019t alter how you\u2019ve chosen to deal with the complaint. Because you know one day they\u2019re going to say, \u201cYou don\u2019t remember me telling you that, do you?\u201d and you want to be able to counter it with the advice you gave the first time.\u2019<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Later that afternoon, as he sat on the floor of the grocery store screaming because I wouldn\u2019t buy him some fruit gummies, I asked Mr. Freakin\u2019 Courtesy why he acted like this with me but obviously not with his teacher. \u201cBecause I know you better,\u201d he replied. Right. The old familiarity-breeds-contempt rule again. (Well, I was certainly contemptuous of his familiarity with a meltdown.)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Listen to the way your children speak to other adults and correct them. They are not \/ their equals, and they shouldn\u2019t be allowed to treat them that way.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Five Tips for Encouraging Healthy Interfamily Relationships<ul><li>Remarks about personal appearance are never allowed particularly regarding things that cannot be changed (size of nose, height, birthmarks, etc.).<\/li><\/ul><ul><li>Questions regarding parentage \u2013 or speculations as to the nature of said parents \u2013 are discouraged.<\/li><\/ul><ul><li>Any sort of physical touching, pushing, poking, pinching. Smacking, slapping, tripping, kicking, shoving, whacking. Snapping, flicking, picking, or bopping is frowned upon. Even if it occurs \u201cby accident.\u201d^<\/li><\/ul><ul><li>No food throwing. Ever.<\/li><\/ul>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>They are not the boss of each other. You are the boss of them. Ergo, they can\u2019t boss each other around. Put a stop to it, early and often.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP FIVE GET ORGAMIZED<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP SIX MANAGE THE MESSAGE<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cMy children are little lambs\/angels\/rays of sunshine\/ darlings\/365-day-a-year-Valentines.\u201d In my experience. There\u2019s a reason Mom or Dad is spouting off like this. Their kids are just as rotten as everyone else\u2019s, but they think if they polish up the apple a bit, you might a) feel jealous or b) make the mistake of inviting their kids over to play so she can go out. Don\u2019t fall for it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cMy kids never fight\u201d or \u201cThey\u2019re each other\u2019s best friend.\u201d I\u2019m only going to say this once: all siblings fight.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cWell, I just won\u2019t let them be assholes when they\u2019re teenagers.\u201d This statement can only be made by parents who have zero experience in raising teenagers, most likely when their child is still in utero or, at a minimum, not past the age of cuteness (about six months).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Bill Cosby claims that the ^first law of advertising is to avoid concrete promises and cultivate the \u201cdelightfully\u201d vague. That\u2019s funny, Bill, because the first law in parenting is also to avoid the concrete promise (\u201cI swear I\u2019ll come and play that video game in five minutes\u201d) and cultivate the delightfully vague (\u201cI\u2019ll be there as soon as I can)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If you resent these other moms, ask yourself why. Do you think she\u2019s neglecting her kids by taking an extra twenty minutes to look good? Is she showing off^? Narcissistic? Trying to impress the teacher? Maybe she\u2019s just taking care of herself first sometimes. Isn\u2019t that something we should all try to do? Sometimes? What\u2019s the message she\u2019s sending?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>STEP SEVEN Know WHERE YOU MEED HELP<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>There comes a time in every boss\u2019s life when a universal truth must be faced. Some bosses \u2013 the good ones \u2013 learn and accept this truth early on, and their lives are better for it. For others, the realization is slow to come, and some pain and suffering may occur as a result. So what is this truth? What is the secret to sane and rational boss-hood? It\u2019s so simple it\u2019s almost obvious: you cannot do it all. You. Just. Can\u2019t.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do you need to say it again? The sooner you realize the essential, rational, logical brilliance of this statement, the better off you\u2019ll be. Moms are the best at trying to do it all, and the worst at blaming themselves when it isn\u2019t all done. All the time. So listen up. Of course you\u2019ll still have a to-do list that\u2019s a mile long, but you\u2019ve now given yourself permission to get some help with that list.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>On the contrary, the idea here is to take a few things off. How? By asking yourself if that thing a) really needs to be done or b) really needs to be done loo percent, exactly, perfectly. What I\u2019m talking about here is a quick foray into the world of quality control, followed by a lesson or three on the art of lowering your expectations.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Here\u2019s a good example. I have very low standards when it comes to keeping my house clean. While I don\u2019t (really) think I\u2019m at risk of being profiled on Hoarders, I also don\u2019t have an issue with:<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>But ask yourself this: is it really a weakness or is it a brilliant management tactic?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kathy Buckworth\u20142013 Introduction STEP ONE EMBRACE THE PHILOSOPHY &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; STEP TWO KHOW THYSELF STEP THREE GET YOUP DUCKS IN A ROW STEP FOUR CONTROL THE CHAOS STEP FIVE GET ORGAMIZED STEP SIX MANAGE THE MESSAGE STEP SEVEN Know WHERE YOU MEED HELP<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3893,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[238,140,7,10,244,47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3892","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-booknotes","category-culture","category-development","category-leadership","category-philosophy","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3892","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3892"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3892\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4083,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3892\/revisions\/4083"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mattwkane.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}